Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Happiness, Are You There?

I have so many personal things I could write about but I'm still keeping them guarded. I'm going to try and let go a bit for this little post. Lets just say that I'm working on things...slowly, but surely. This is step one: being more open! 

I've become terrified of love. Commitment gives me a queasy feeling these days and trust, well, trust went out the window a long time ago.


There is one person that keeps me smiling and laughing throughout the day and gives me hope for all of those things I've been so afraid of. Someone that has a special place in my heart, someone I hope to keep around for a while.

Even though I'm not sure when I'll be 100% ready for those three things again, I'm willing to let them in, slowly. They need work, they need to rebuild their strength in my heart, they need to be okay.

I can't be afraid to say how I feel anymore. I can't be afraid to get hurt.
  I've been fighting off my feelings lately, pushing them away and never wanting to admit to myself that it could be possible to actually feel again. I don't need to be numb. 
I need to just let it be & see where this path in the road of life goes.
Aren't we here to live and grow as individuals & improve ourselves? I'm ready to open up. I'm eager for the future but there is so much patience in my heart.

"Happiness is just outside my window
Would it crash blowing 80-miles an hour?
Or is happiness a little more like knocking
On your door, and you just let it in?"
-The Fray