Raw

One of my biggest fears seems so silly when I actually say it out loud. Maybe because I can't really explain it (even though I'm getting ready to attempt to). I'm terrified of being alone. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because I can't remember a time when I was actually single for a long period of time. I have always felt the need to have someone there. Security? Probably. I'm challenging myself to be alone and be okay with it. To not lean on anyone when I'm feeling weak. To be genuinely happy with only myself. Once that is accomplished I may let someone in, but not until I have reached that moment. I'm still not sure how to tell if I've actually made myself happy but I'm sure I'll figure it out as the time goes by. Right now, I'm only concerned about myself. Selfish as it may seem, it's true, and very important at this moment. You can't really love anyone until you love yourself, right? At least that's what I hear.

In the mean time, this is one of the little dudes that will keep me company...I miss him being so little...and i definitely miss my hair being that long & big & awesome...